i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
