I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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