haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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