Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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