Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
