You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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