Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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