Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
