just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
