he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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