So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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