Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
