went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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