She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
