I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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