We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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