your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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