Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
