In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
