Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
