i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He felt like a one man threesome
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
