you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
