I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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