im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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