if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
