Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
