Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We need to rekindle our bromance
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
