Can Purell be used as lube?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
