I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
