i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
