quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
