Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
