you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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