my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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