who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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