I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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