I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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