whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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