Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
