You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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