It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
