Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
