There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
