i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
