Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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