I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
