If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
