there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
