I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
