At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you didnt know i had herpes?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
