i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
