Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
