Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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