"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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