The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
