I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
