Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
