if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
