similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
